


into my home & into my heart

by bringnsexsebaek



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Pasts, Cat, Cute, Dragons, Flashbacks, Fluff, Homophobia, Kitty - Freeform, M/M, McHanzo - Freeform, Mistreatment, Noodle Dragons, Shimada Brothers, Shimada Clan, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-02-18 19:19:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13106823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringnsexsebaek/pseuds/bringnsexsebaek
Summary: Jesse McCree may be a criminal, but he is treated harshly for crimes that he did not commit.Hanzo Shimada has only just escaped from a life-threatening situation, and must lie low in order to continue to survive.Seeing Jesse in such a broken state made him realize that others always have it worse. He offers his help, even though his caring towards others has proved painful in the past.It isn't until later that it becomes clear: he has given Jesse far more than he ever planned to.





	1. rainy introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I'm awful at titles, so... if anyone has suggestions while reading this story, feel free to suggest them ^.^  
> The angst will be offset with fluff (especially with dragons that act like cats, and a cat that acts like a dork)  
> If anyone has ever been somewhat homeless, lacking proper clothes and food, etcetera (needing things that you didn't have), beaten up, treated like you're worth nothing... Things like that. If you've ever experienced any of those things, and would not want to read it in even one chapter or so, I would suggest not reading this fic. There will also be mentions of homophobia, and violence, but I don't think it will go into too much detail? I will do my best to warm beforehand if there is ever an extreme amount of violence in a chapter. There will be both fluff and angst in this story, probably more fluff overall, but I'm not sure :) thanks for your interest!

Hanzo collapsed backwards onto his bed, relishing in the way he sunk down into it, memory foam curling around his exhausted body and easing its aches. He didn't expect moving to be so difficult, but he truly should have, given that he had needed to do it all on his own.

He spread his arms wide, fabric slipping just enough to reveal a centimeter or so of cerulean scales, the shade of blue shifting to an electric cyan as the dragons beneath his skin stirred to life.

“Aiko,” his voice was soft. “Akemi…”

They drifted around him, nuzzled into his neck. Together, they whined, even more gently than Hanzo had called them.

“I know. It has been too long.”

Akemi settled onto his chest, peering up into his eyes, searching.

“I know. You want to fight. You want to help people. But I… I can't, Akemi. I can't face that right now.”

Aiko was perched on the windowsill. Her perked ears indicated that she was listening, but most of her attention was directed elsewhere. Hanzo felt a painful pull in his heart, one strong enough to force him to his feet. Akemi hissed as she tumbled out of her comfy position, and nipped at his heels.

“Aiko?”

Those fierce eyes fell upon him, drove fear into his veins. Fear of what would happen if he didn't comply with the determined dragon.

Her gaze passed back to the window, through it. Hanzo stepped closer, to look through it as well.

A figure, several floors below. Collecting trash. Shivering. Shoulders slumped, pressed down by the heavy, persistent rain.

Or, rather… A different reason, several reasons. Ones you could not possibly surmise just from a simple glance.

_He does not have a jacket. He doesn't even have proper shoes._

“Aiko…”

A hiss.

“Ai--”

His breath caught in his throat. The figure below, he was--well, he was slipping, knees colliding harshly with the cement ground. Before the man could even attempt to get up, he was hoisted to his feet, by a second person that hadn't even been visible until that moment.

This person was dressed appropriately for the weather. This person appeared to be standing under the cover of roofed buildings, while the other was forced to clean up the litter of disrespectful citizens. In these conditions. In those clothes.

 _It's not right,_ Akemi thought to him. _Why must he be subjected to this? He is already sick, he is coughing and cannot even stand up properly. He will only get sicker._

Hanzo stood there, watching for a few more seconds as the man continued to suffer. He could feel the growing frustration of his dragons, but he was frozen in place, shocked by the inhumanity of it all.

And then, with no warning, he was reaching for his only raincoat and pair of boots and dashing down the stairs, grateful to his years of training for keeping him from tripping, as any other person would.

He threw open the door, momentarily disoriented due to the impressive speed at which he had just traveled, before recalling the direction in which he had seen that man.

Raindrops made their way down his head, twisting in the locks of hair and leaving damp trails down his cheeks. Water soaked through the thin material of his sneakers. In less than a minute, he was already growing uncomfortable, and the man in question had been outside in the downpour for what could have been hours.

Hanzo stopped directly in front of him, bent over and gasping for air. Perhaps it had been longer than he thought, the last time he had trained. No wonder his dragons were so restless.

Thankfully, within seconds, he was raising his head, blinking through the thick coating of water that had passed into his eyes.

“Here,” he offered the coat and boots to the man, suddenly growing embarrassed that he had failed to consider that maybe their feet were not the same size.

The man was a bit taller than Hanzo had thought, straightening up and gaping down at him in the most confused way.

To be honest, Hanzo wasn't sure if calling him a man was correct or not; he appeared to be in his late teens.

“Y--what?”

“Here, please take this.”

Hanzo thought he saw a flash of pain in the man's eyes. It confused him… concerned him.

“I… This might sound strange, but I… Saw you, through my window. It's… Pouring rain. But you are dressed as if it were a summer day. I just… Can't stand to see someone suffer.”

Hanzo felt his face heat up, even though the remainder of his body was only growing progressively colder. He had hoped this would be a swift and simple interaction. Hand the man--boy?--the items, and then return inside.

Instead, there was a hesitation in the man's demeanor, in his face. Worse than hesitation… There was fear.

The coat, the boots--they were knocked out of Hanzo’s hands, landing in one of the many murky puddles of the alleyway. The chilling laughter that followed was even more shocking than those actions, even more shocking than the temperature Hanzo was currently experiencing.

“Oh, he doesn't need those. You know what this fucker did?”

That face… Void of all compassion, all empathy. It sought to see the world suffer.

“He's killed more people than you could ever guess, I guarantee it.” He spat, directly on the man's shoes. Hanzo turned his gaze to the broken man, saw the sadness, the weariness in every feature of his face, of his stance. “He's one evil sunnuvabitch.”

“I never killed anyone,” the man’s words were barely audible. “I only stole… I did what I was told in order to survive.”

“Aww, sure ya did, sweetheart.”

“I was starving then. I'm starving now. How is this legal--”

The man was seized by his collar. “You better shut up, boy, or you'll be imprisoned for the rest of your sorry life.”

Hanzo felt tears threatening to push their way out of his eyes. He felt the dragons simmer under his skin, aching to slip out and shred the overseer to pieces.

But he couldn't make a name for himself. He couldn't.

“If you treat him this way, you're also a criminal. Please give me your name; I'm reporting this to your superior.”

There was a scoff. “Like hell I will. And like they'd give half a shit about this here kid. They couldn't care less if he died.”

Hanzo turned to the man who had fallen silent. Silent, but not entirely submissive. He kept his head high, rage in his irises and in the clenching of his teeth.

“And your name?”

That hesitation again. “McCree… Jesse McCree.”

Anger overcame the overseer, and he lunged towards McCree, who had just enough strength to force himself out of the way.

“Oh, you've done it. You've suuure fucking done it. Don't think you'll get away with this one, boy. You sure as hell won't.”

McCree doubled over, harsh coughs replacing his breathing; short gasps, attempts at gaining oxygen interspersed.

Hanzo swore he saw a flash of red mixing with the rain before it was washed away. There and gone in the blink of an eye.

“Come along, now, your hours are up, and there are people waiting for you to get back.” The way he spoke was menacing, foreboding. “Oh, how they will love to see you, after this.”

Electricity was already spinning through his body, a blue glow beginning to breach his clothes, almost visible to even the untrained eye.

“If you dare to hurt him, you'll be in jail yourself.” Hanzo spoke, but it lacked certainty. It was in no way a strong enough deterrent.

“There are other people perfectly willing to do that for me.”

“ **あなたがしなければ私はあなたを殺すでしょう**.” It was like the dragons had taken over; that electric blue raged in his eyes and leapt out from his arms, striking the ground before the overseer and cracking it in a million places. His voice was amplified, as if three people were shouting the same words: _I will kill you if you do._

The overseer just laughed. He laughed. He had not been facing Hanzo. He assumed the strike had been one of lightning, a lucky strike that had not cost him his life or even any pain.

But Jesse had seen. The fear in him had been replaced by awe, perhaps followed by a trace of hope.

Hanzo was not worried he would be betrayed by him, for most would not believe a criminal.

He was, however, worried about what would become of the boy. But at the moment, there was not much more he could do.

He waited until the two of them were out of his sight, afraid of any repercussions that would occur if he had been overheard. It seemed as if the overseer was a policeman, for he had clearly been armed.

Hanzo knew it was unreasonable to call the police on the police, but he prayed that there were more righteous officers than cruel ones.

He stated the name of the boy, gave a description of the overseer and a vague idea of what direction they were headed in, and asked to be contacted if there were any updates.

Then he threw the raincoat in the wash, headed into his shower, turned the heat higher than ever before, and sat under it with his knees drawn to his chest. He let the water cascade down his body, even let a little fall into his eyes, just as the rain had. He convinced himself that he was only making sure that each part of his body was warmed from the cold, but in reality, he was causing his tears to be indistinguishable from the water droplets.

And if they were indistinguishable, then it meant that they were non-existent.

 

 

 


	2. responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo is again disappointed--but not surprised--by the system.  
> A kitty is key :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uM so warning: lots of swearing  
> lol  
> thanks for reading<3 please leave a comment if you can~  
> Sorry for the short chapters >< I hope to gradually make them longer...

Hanzo was gently nudged awake by Akemi, because for some odd reason, the severe vibrations of his phone had not been enough. In sleepiness, he was actually somewhat clumsy--it took a few tries before he succeeded in grabbing his phone.

“Hello?” His voice was faint--deep, not only from just awaking but also due to the roughness of his throat that had developed due to the weather conditions in which he had been in hours prior.

“We found him.”

“McCree?”

There was a brief pause. “No, the officer assigned to him. We found him, at a local bar. We asked around, and your story checks out. Others have witnessed this officer mistreat McCree. We are removing the officer from this position.” 

Hanzo would have sighed in relief, it it weren't for the painful gnawing sensation in his stomach.

“But, McCree… You still haven't found him? Where is he, usually?”

“Well, um.” The woman on the other line cleared her throat. “I'm not authorized to reveal that information, but he should have been at the room provided to him in one of our facilities.”

Hanzo brushed his free hand over his face, wiping away the grogginess and frustration. Although he was trying to manage that frustration, he still let a little seep into his words. Maybe it would help convince the lady on the other line to actually give him some information.

“And why is he _not_ there? It is 4. O'clock. In the morning.”

“Well, sir, it is… because those facilities close at 10pm, sir.”

Aiko gave a long, loud hiss directly into the receiver.

“Dear Lord, what was that!?”

“My… cat. That is _not_ what is important right now. You mean to tell me, that officers are allowed to force him to do community service until _after_ 10pm, even though that means he has nowhere to go afterwards? What kind of shit program is this!?”

A longer pause than before. “Well, _no,_ sir they are _not_ allowed to--”

“And you only ever have one officer assigned to one person? What happens if that officer completely abuses his power, huh? You clearly don't perform enough tests or properly measure a person's character before allowing them to personally order someone else around. For hours. Consistently. With no one else to keep the asshole excuse of an officer in check.”

“Sir, you can be certain that each officer is selected carefully according to a strict set of guidelines. Furthermore, it is not our responsibility to make sure that each participant arrives at the facility in time. That is their own responsibility.”

Hanzo was sitting up, now, his dragons gently kissing at his cheeks in hopes of soothing him a bit. “It sure _is_ your responsibility when the single officer in charge pushes someone to the point of sickness, drags them around, keeps them out late, and so on. All due to fear, because this _single officer_ can turn the person in at any time, for any reason. Send them to jail for supposed misconduct. They can lie. Their evil buddies can lie for them. I just… McCree. He is out there. On his own. In this weather, he could die. That officer? He hinted at people causing harm to him. Jesse could be dying right. Now. As a citizen, and as a participant of this community service program, he _is_ your responsibility. But you aren't the least bit concerned?”

A minute passed with no reply, and when one was finally given, it lacked sincerity as well as importance. “I assure you, sir, that we have our best officers on the case.”

Hanzo promptly hung up, and tossed his phone on the floor.

“‘Best officers’. I bet no one's even fucking looking for him. This _fucking_ bitch. This fucking. Lying. Bitch. Who the hell does she think she is? I can read people, can't I?” His dragons purred in response, coiling around him and nudging their little heads into his chest. “This Jesse is not a bad person. If he stole, I'm certain it was from bad people… Or at the very least, from people that didn't need it… I am _certain_ of it. And I know, I _know_ that the officer was lying when he said Jesse killed people. He looks… so…honest. I believe him when he said he did what he had to do. But no, he deserves no humanity because of that… I just…”

His face fell into his hands. “I'm so scared for him. I don't even know him, but I'm so scared for him. I bet they all know he's not a threat. All these evil, evil people…”

 _You're tired._ Aiko commented.

 _You're sick._ Akemi warned.

But there was a second half to their sentences, that they knew they didn't need to say.

 _Please find him._  
  
  


~~~

  
  


Even with his dragons, even with his years of training, walking alone at this time of night still worried him. The slightest of movements, the smallest of sounds--they all startled him.

But he was thankful for his heightened senses when he spotted a flash of fur to his right side. If he hadn't have seen it, he likely wouldn't have stopped. If he hadn't have stopped, he likely wouldn't have seen the body that was lying there.

A stray cat was winding around Jesse McCree’s cold body, meowing pitifully and looking up at Hanzo with the most pleading of gazes.

_He says that Jesse stopped breathing a moment ago._

“ _Fuck.”_

Hanzo dropped to his knees, shoved his dark locks over his shoulder, and promptly began to perform rapid compressions of the boy's chest, counting unceasingly in his mind 

Aiko slowly materialized, noting what was around her and if it was safe to appear. She carefully dragged Hanzo’s phone out so that he could continue with the CPR, and she painstakingly entered each number with her big paws, ensuring that they were all correct before tapping both the dial and the speaker icons.

From that point on, Hanzo was able to request help, and Aiko disappeared for the time being, watching fearfully with Akemi through Hanzo's eyes as he tried so hard to bring life to someone who hated living.

  
  



	3. my hand is your lifeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the hospital, Hanzo waits for a status report on Jesse's condition. Jesse is surprised that Hanzo waited for him, and is even more surprised by the words that Hanzo speaks to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone~! ❤️ Love to all. Hope everyone has an amazing day. I hope you will all enjoy this chapter ^-^ let me know! Thank you~

_My first fucking day here and already all of this has happened._

Akemi hummed, calming him in his mind. _Young Master, I believe destiny brought you here. To save him._

_I thought I told you not to call me that._

“Hayato?”

Hanzo almost didn't answer, until he was reminded, amusedly, by Aiko: _that's your fake name, dumbass._

“Oh! Yes. Sorry, I am so out of it.”

“Understandably. Now, I want to assure you that your boyfriend is perfectly safe. He's sustained a lot of--”

“Excuse me, who are you referring to right now?”

The nurse paused, looking rather confused. “Mr. McCree? Jesse McCree?”

Hanzo stared at the nurse for quite some time before deciding the news was more important than the mistake.

“I--sorry, please continue.”

“He's sustained many injuries--a concussion, many cuts and bruises to his face, arms, and ribs, as well as 5 broken ribs… he also seems to have a severe cold? His poor body has a lot to recover from.”

Hanzo kept nodding while the nurse spoke, pushing down the panic rising up his throat. Who would take care of McCree? He didn't seem to have anybody. All of these injuries, but no one to take care of him? And all of these evil people taking their own problems out on him? He is already so weak… He could die…

Even after the nurse was finished speaking, Hanzo kept silently nodding, face blank as he lost himself in his thoughts.

“Hayato? I believe Jesse would like to see you, now.”

One final nod, although this was a conscious one. Hanzo slowly rose to his feet, heart thumping strangely in his chest. He was… nervous. He didn't even know Jesse, but he had already meddled so much in his life…

“You,” Jesse murmured, not bothering to hide his surprise that Hanzo was still there.

If any of the nurses were surprised by his way of referring to Hanzo, they didn't show it. Instead, they simply cleared out, leaving the two of them alone.

“You stayed for me?”

Again, Hanzo did nothing but nod. He felt like such an idiot. Useless. Useless, useless, useless--

“No one's ever looked out for me, before.” Jesse spoke in wonder. He was both pleased and baffled, for why would a stranger care so much about him?

Hanzo felt his heart twist, an uncomfortable feeling flowing through him. The first person to ever look out for Jesse had been him? A person he didn't even know the name of?

“I'm sorry,” was all Hanzo could say. Because it was true. He felt pity for Jesse, being all alone in the world. Experiencing so much pain, and not a single bit of love. “I'm… sorry no one has cared for you, before. I… know the feeling.”

Jesse gifted him with a small half-smile, one that immediately fell off of his face as soon as it stretched several of the cuts that existed there. This was followed by a hacking cough, and he winced deeply at the pain that coughing delivered to his ribs.

Hanzo bit down on his bottom lip. He felt responsible, for someone else's life. He hadn't felt this way since his brother came to him, several months back--

“H-hey… Um. Can you tell me your name, please?”

Hanzo’s eyes refocused, his mind dialing back in to the present.

“My name? ...Hayato.”

“And your last name?”

Hanzo froze up, sweat slowly gathering at the palms of his hands. Complete idiot was right. He hadn't even thought of a fake last name!?

_You are exhausted, Young Master, please relax._

Both Jesse's tone of voice and his expression grew much softer. “Can you tell me your real name? Whatever you're hiding, I won't push you. But can I at least know your real first name, if not the full one?”

Hanzo paused for quite some time, staring down at his fingernails. Since when had so much dirt clogged up underneath them?

A defeated sigh filled the room. “I apologize for pushing you. You've already done so much for me.” The very corner of his lip tugged up, just enough that the pain remained bearable.

Hanzo startled, rising to his feet. He knew Jesse wasn't trying to guilt him, but that's what he felt.

“Jesse, please don't talk that way. I was lost in some dark thoughts, alright? It's the strangest thing. I don't know you at all. You're even a criminal--” Hanzo didn't miss the way Jesse's face fell, the pain written across it anything but a physical kind. “--but for some strange, strange reason, I trust you.”

Jesse's face was now void of any emotion. It was just… Calculating. Patient.

“My name is Hanzo,” he glanced around him, cautious, but no one was in earshot. “If we ever get closer, I will eventually tell you my last name. But for now, I hope you can trust that I have my reasons. I’m not running from the law, I can tell you that much.”

_I'm running from something else._

A knock sounded on the open door. “Mr. McCree, later today you will be allowed to return home to recover, if you would like.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, and though he was responding to the nurse, his eyes were on Hanzo.

_Don't make me go back there._

Jesse hated to be so reliant on somebody else, but his life was utter misery. Whether he was in that facility or out of it, he was not safe. Not safe in the slightest. The bruises on his body criss-crossed his skin, adjacent to fading ones he had received previously. There was never a time where his body was completely free from injury.

Druggies lived there. Alcoholics lived there. Unqualified and inhumane people--if you could call them that--worked there. And you could find all of those types and more outside of it, as well.

“I ain't ever killed nobody. Never. I swear on my life. But some o’ the others? They killed. They wanted to drag me down with them, they tried to lie and say I did the same. It's only cuz I was underage at the time and cuz they got caught lying about a lot o’ other things that I didn't get sent to jail. But people like to believe I killed. They use it as an excuse to take their anger out on me. If I'm a killer, and I got off easy by doing community service, I deserve it, right? Every bully has to choose at least one victim, right?”

Hanzo choked on nausea, reaching his hand out to Jesse because he was unable to think of any words to say. Jesse clung onto it tightly.

“Everyone else in the gang killed, so…” He gave the slightest of shrugs.

“Jesse…”

“No, no. No, please don't give me your pity. I don't need it, okay? I just want you to understand my situation. I want you to know who I really am. I don't want you to be scared o’ me, or judge me, y’know?” He huffed, blowing his too-long hair out of his eyes. “If you want to give me something, then please just give me your friendship. I can tell you're lonely, too.”

Hanzo stared at him for a moment. A long moment. He almost wanted to deny it. How had Jesse managed to read him so well? What had given him away?

“You're right,” he finally admitted. Both to Jesse, and to himself. “Jesse.” He swallowed thickly. “Maybe… Maybe you can stay with me, at least until you're recovered. Then you're safe, and we both can… I don't know. Have a friend?”

Hanzo cringed at how awkward he sounded. And at how crazy an idea it was! It was absolutely ludicrous. They were strangers. All he knew was the guy's name, that he had a criminal record, and that he was treated like shit for something he didn't do.

_He knows even less about you._

_... Have you forgotten your little light show? That's certainly a big fucking secret for someone to know._

_At least he doesn't know about us, exactly,_ Aiko soothed. _And you could always claim that it_ was _lightning. The boy's so sick; he could have imagined things._

“When I get a job in the future, I'll pay you back for rent, I promise.” His voice was small. A bit shy, nervous, even. He was quite clearly in disbelief that Hanzo had even offered something like that, and was uncertain what it would be like.

“Alright.” Hanzo verbally agreed, but deep down, he knew he'd never allow it. “It's settled, then. Just keep resting until it's time to leave, alright?”

Jesse gave a little nod, eyes already fluttering shut. His breathing was a bit labored, but Hanzo recognized the signs of a sleeping breathing pattern within minutes.

_I wonder if that's the fastest he's ever fallen asleep._

At that moment, Hanzo finally noticed that their hands were still interlaced. He gently tried to slip his fingers away, but Jesse unconsciously gripped tighter, likely afraid to lose his first sense of security.

Hanzo felt a bit uncomfortable, but not enough to force his hand away. Instead, he rested his head on his other arm, and began to catch up on lost sleep.

 

 


	4. take care, take caution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo and Jesse have to learn how to live together, and how to treat each other. Hanzo gets a flashback of the past--of Genji.

A rumbling sound fills his ears, causing him to gently, sleepily bat at the side of his head, wishing for silence to return so that he could continue to sleep.

But, the sound persisted.

_Hanzo._

“Akemi,” he murmured, blindly reaching out. His fingertips pressed softly against his dragon's warm back. She pushed her nose into his cheek.

_You've overslept. Jesse has been awake for hours._

“Ah…” Hanzo swore quietly, forcing his body up and out of the low-quality sleeping bag. He winced, already noting all of the places in his muscles that were knotted up. “And you're mad at me for not entertaining him. Alright.”

_Not necessarily. But he is definitely in pain and definitely hungry, and there is no way he is going to bother you about it when he's already caused you so much trouble._

His palm brushed over his face before lightly smacking against it, in hopes of fighting off the sleepiness still trying to drag him back down to the floor.

He padded over to the fridge, frustration growing within him as he realized he hadn't bothered to purchase much other than the bare necessities. At least there were some simple things, such as mandarin oranges, that required no preparation. He grabbed 4 out of the fridge, setting them down on the counter. Afterwards, he popped some bread in the toaster. He leaned back against the counter, staring at the strips of metal as the silver faded away into an orange heat.

“Why did I offer to take this man into my home, Aiko?” His voice was at such a low volume that parts of his words faded away into inaudibility.

 _I thought I was being quiet._ Hanzo could almost hear the drooping of her ears. He laughed, softly, amused at her cuteness. “C’mere, Aiko.”

In a second, she was draped around his neck, attentively watching him prepare the small meal. _You could never stand to see someone in pain._

“But it has been my downfall--”

 _It has been your saving grace._ Akemi hummed, weaving in and out between his legs. She nipped at his heel, a warning for him not to second-guess any of his past actions.

Hanzo examined the medications, as well as the instructions that accompanied them. He poured out the proper dosage into his palm, his other hand gripping onto a tall glass of water that he had filled seconds prior. He brought this to Jesse first, halting in his steps only once, to hold a brief, silent fight with Aiko as to whether she was allowed to come as well.

“Jesse,” he lightly tapped the top of his foot against the door, pushing it open as soon as his call was answered.

“Good afternoon, Hanzo.” Jesse spoke brightly, the optimism in his eyes so strong that it seemed to cast a shadow over the pain scrunching up his face. His happiness far outweighed his discomfort, and Hanzo was perplexed as to why that was the case.

“How are you feeling?” Hanzo set the water next to him, feeling rather guilty that he hadn't offered him any earlier than now. The water bottle that Jesse had been given the night before was glaringly empty. “Sorry I was asleep for so long. You could have woken me.”

Jesse's eyes grew rather wide. “Like hell I could have. I'm a guest in your home, I can't treat you like that.”

The corner of Hanzo's lip twitched, begging to part so that words of dissent could spill through. “I want to make sure you are doing alright, at all times.”

Jesse’s nod was slow but discernible. Just as slowly, his expression changed, to one of uncertainty.

“I don't know what to do...” Words spoken slowly. Gaze lowered slowly. “...in this kinda situation. I am a stranger, who has nothing. I can't offer ya nothing, yet I take so much from you. It's… It doesn't feel right.”

Hanzo allowed himself to smile down at Jesse, not a trace of unhappiness present. He leaned down just the slightest bit. “I thought you were giving me companionship. Hmm?” He arched a single brow.

Jesse absentmindedly watched it rise, the small distraction taking away his will to think before he spoke. “I'm sure you could find any type of companionship for free,” he mumbled, taking the glass and swallowing the pills in a single motion.

“I…” Now his eyebrows pressed together in confusion. He straightened up, stared down at the clueless man for a moment. “What do you mean?”

Jesse looked genuinely confused. “What do you mean, what do I mean?”

Hanzo stared at him for a few more seconds.

_One… Two… Three.. Fo--_

He shook his head from side to side, rapidly. “Never mind. I made you some food, but I'm afraid it's rather… Simple.”

“I should be the one making food.” Jesse cracked a smile, one that briefly faltered as he readjusted his position. “Or are there some other chores I could be doing?”

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “Injured people don't do chores.”

“Just leave all the cleaning until I get better, then.”

Hanzo snorted, grateful for the fact that he was already almost to the kitchen. Perhaps Jesse hadn't heard it.

_A clean freak like you, leaving a mess for longer than an hour? As if._

“Aiko,” he whispered. “Please remember to be careful that he doesn't see you. I can't risk anyone knowing that I have you.”

She slunk back behind a chair, a clear frown on her face. _You never chastise Akemi._

“Akemi is more cautious.”

Hanzo quickly went to scratch behind her ears before bringing the plate of food to Jesse. He sat on a chair beside the bed, watching him eat it. It seemed only natural--making sure that the person you prepared food for actually liked the food--but it seemed to make Jesse embarrassed, for a pale blush rose to his cheeks.

“Aren't you also hungry?” His voice was tentative. He wasn't used to someone watching over him so carefully. It made him feel small. Useless. But also…

Warm. It was a warm feeling, for someone to keep you safe, and healthy, and full. For someone to spend their time, just watching you, without thinking of themselves. Without being bored.

“I'll eat later.” Hanzo assured, pushing a few loose strands of hair out of his face. He had fallen asleep with his hair still tied up, and had not yet adjusted the ribbon so that it held everything securely in place. “I need to go buy some things.”

“Buy wha--” The toast dropped out of his hand, the plate dangerously close to overturning. McCree pressed both hands to his ribs, crying out at the sharp throbbing that existed there. His cries were continuously interrupted by more coughing fits, and Hanzo quickly moved the plate aside before supporting Jesse's body with his arms, hoping to minimize the jerking movements that came with each cough.

“It's okay, Jesse. It's okay.”

Jesse finally lifted his head, and Hanzo was surprised to see a few tears collecting at the edges of his eyes. One of the cuts on his face appeared to be one cough away from breaking open. His breaths were shuddering, a struggle to receive air, and this struggle only caused more pain.

“Jesse…”

“Thank you.” He blinked once, and that was all it took for the tears to be gone. “It--hurt less. Once you…”

He hesitated, unsure how to phrase it other than ‘held me’. “...helped me.”

“It's nothing.” Hanzo slowly broke contact, hands lifting away and suddenly feeling rather empty. “But, now I am afraid to leave you alone.”

“Can I come with you?”

Hanzo looked appalled, gave the smallest of laughs because he assumed it to be a joke.

It wasn't.

“I'd like to see my cat. I dunno if he made it through the storm alright.”

_A flash of fur._

“Is he a grey cat? With white on his nose?”

Jesse smiled down at his hands. “That's him, alright. My Bumble.” A shiver passed over him. He clutched the blankets closer to his body.

“I have more blankets.” Hanzo spoke ever so softly, reaching into the closet for them. He draped them over Jesse, tucking the edges in around his body. He kept his gaze on his hands all the while, but when it finally lifted, he saw the look in Jesse's eyes. It disappeared almost immediately, and Hanzo knew he had caught him by surprise. He hadn't expected Hanzo to lift his head so quickly.

But… That _look._ It was so fond and pure that it almost hurt to see it.

_Don't look at me like that. I'm no one._

“Hanzo…”

_I may have saved you for now, but I can't protect you forever. I'm sorry._

_Don't look at me like that. Don't get close to me._

_I'm more of a threat than you've ever seen._

“I need to see him. Please?”

~~~

_“He's leaving tomorrow, I need to see him.”_

_Pitiful. The way he spoke, the way he stood, the things he stood for. Pitiful._

_“Father will know.”_

_“He_ already _knows--”_

 _“You don't. Understand.” Hanzo pushed his finger into his brother's chest. “He knows you seek the company of men. He knows, oh he_ fucking _knows. But what did he tell you, Genji? Huh?”_

_Genji’s face was one of hopelessness. It appealed to a part of Hanzo, one buried deep inside, but Hanzo couldn't allow that part to sneak out, for he would never be able to force it back._

_“Genji. You are making this public, by meeting him. You are not just taking some whore to bed in the privacy of your home.”_

_Hanzo neglected to mention the differential treatment. Genji had routinely taken both male and female lovers to bed in the past, and never been confronted._

_The first male lover to ever enter Hanzo’s room had been decapitated within the hour._

_There hadn't been a second._

_“There are eyes. Everywhere. You will bring disrespect to our family. You will bring distrust. Disgust. We will lose followers. We will lose customers. All because of your mistakes.”_

_“They are not mistakes.” Genji shoved his brother away from him. “This is my_ life _.”_

_“Well, your life is ruining mine.” Hanzo remarked, voice too soft to be acknowledged._

_“What did you say?” Genji must have noticed the small signs of pain in Hanzo, for he stepped forward to close the space that he had just created between them. “What is it?”_

_“It's too dangerous, brother. I can't let you go.”_

_Later that night, he heard his brother's sobs in the room adjacent to his own. He wished to comfort him, but they weren't close anymore._

_Maybe if he had done so, he could have calmed his brother down. Talked him out of his stupid, stubborn plans._

_But in the early hours of the morning, by the time Hanzo gathered the courage to check on him, he was long gone._

~~~

Now, Hanzo said the words that he wished he had given to Genji.

“I'll bring him to you,” he promised. “Don't take the risk going to him, because I will bring him to you.”

There was concern on Jesse's face, almost as if he knew that only a second before, Hanzo's mind had been miles away, months ago, in the past. A past that still haunted him.

“Are you sure? I can't rightly tell if he is, uh. Free of diseases, ‘n all that.”

Hanzo forced a smile, not worried that it didn't quite meet his eyes, because his gaze was directed elsewhere, anyways.

“Don't worry about it. We can clean him up, and if he seems sick, we'll take him to the vet later.”

Hanzo ignored the distress sent to him by his dragons.

_I thought you wanted me to help others in need._

“You can either call him by his name or by kitty, he'll come to both.”

“Are you sure he will come to me?”

Hanzo was thankful that he had lifted his head, for he was able to see the way Jesse's eyes softened. “You could make the most difficult cat in the world come to you.”

Out of instinct, Hanzo's hand rose to his face as soon as he felt something prick at his skin. He soon realized that there wasn't anything physically there--it was just the gradual appearance of heat.

That almost made him panic more.

“I'll be right back.” He barely kept himself from stammering, turning quickly towards the door. “You can finish eating while I'm gone.”

 _Cute._ Jesse mused, not used to seeing someone blush. _Very… cute._

For once, something other than hunger swirled in his stomach.

 

 

 


	5. repentant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumble is brought into Hanzo's home. Jesse and Hanzo get pretty honest with each other, but it causes Hanzo to get a little angry--he doesn't want anyone to get into his head. But Jesse has done so, so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas (if you celebrate it)! Otherwise, hope everyone is having a great holiday season<3\. Hope this chapter brings a smile to someone's face, even if not much happens ><

Bumble certainly did bumble around the apartment. He followed Hanzo around incessantly, those big, curious eyes rarely leaving him.

“What is it? Don't you wanna see Jesse?”

_Meow._

“But he's hurt, I'm sure he'd like some comfort.”

_Meeoooow._

Hanzo stopped, peering down at him closely. “What is it?”

The meow became even more pitiful.

“Ah… You're probably hungry. Of course you are.”

Bumble began to pounce around happily as soon as he heard Hanzo opening cupboards. When a can of tuna was opened up, and the smell wafted over to him, he bent down and shook his little butt.

_Meow~_

“I'll buy you actual cat food when I get to the store, how about that?”

Bumble purred louder, lapping up the juice and tuna pieces at an alarming rate.

“Jesse?” Hanzo called out, as he made his way over to the bedroom. “Have you walked at all, today?”

A small shake of his head. “I'm kinda scared I'll hurt myself, honestly…”

“I'll help you.” Hanzo said, gently peeling back the blankets before sliding his arms around the other man. Jesse shook against him, already so cold, and slowly got to his feet. Hanzo kept one arm around his waist, and the hand of his other arm pressed supportingly against Jesse's bicep.

“Here, if you sit for a moment…” Jesse complied, and Hanzo pulled out one of his hoodies, carefully pulling it over Jesse's head and making sure not to press against his ribcage as the fabric was straightened out. “A little better?”

Jesse nodded, standing back up. Hanzo didn't help as much this time, but he was prepared to.

Hanzo walked with him to the restroom, asking if he would be alright on his own. He received a mortified ‘yes’ before Jesse hurried inside.

“When I'm back from the store, you can take a bath.”

_I'm too scared to let him bathe while I'm gone… Not when he's so weak. What if he passed out? Drowned in such a small space. It would be all my fault._

Bumble waited with Hanzo outside the door, crying and batting at it.

“C’mere, little guy.” He scratched between his ears, earning himself a long, low purr. He got distracted by how cute and content the cat was, continuing to pet him. A smile slowly made its way onto his face.

A moment later, he heard a small laugh. “Told ya that you'd have no problem with him.”

Hanzo straightened up, taking Bumble with him, and gave a smile in return. He offered the kitty to Jesse, who very carefully held him to his chest. Bumble gazed up at his unofficial owner with adoring eyes before his body vibrated with happy sounds. He pushed his head into Jesse's cheek, rubbing against it, claws gently sliding in and out of the hoodie's fabric.

“This little guy keeps me sane.” Jesse dropped a kiss to Bumble’s head, prompting his purring to increase in volume.

“Why don't you two go cuddle while I go to the store.” Hanzo suggested, the corners of his eyes twisting up into crescent moons as he witnessed the adorable interactions between Jesse and Bumble. It reminded him of him and his dragons, except for the fact that he and his dragons were able to understand each other. Every word.

_There's also the fact that my dragons are ancient beings that can cause mass destruction within seconds._

“Is there anything you need me to get for you?”

Jesse shook his head, still smiling down at his cat, even though he was answering someone else. A spike of jealousy ran through Hanzo's heart, and he cursed in his mind when he realized what he had felt.

“You know…” Hanzo stepped closer, unable to resist placing his fingers in Bumble’s fur as well. “He was the one to save you.”

At this, Jesse actually offered Hanzo the opportunity to look into his eyes. In them, Hanzo thought that he spotted just the slightest bit of confusion.

“I thought it was you that saved me,” he whispered, hand halting its gentle pattern of sliding down Bumble's back. He didn't notice the indignant wail that the halting had earned him. “You saw me when no one else did. You cared that I had a name, you didn't just call me ‘boy’. You look at me like I am worth something. You searched for me, when no one else would. You gave me CPR. You called 911. You were there by my side in the hospital, and you are here by my side now.”

For a moment, Hanzo honestly forgot how to breathe. Jesse was so honest with his words, with his feelings. Each expression on his face, each change of tone in his voice--he didn't hide them. He wanted Hanzo to continue to see him. All of him.

“But… Bumble. He was the one to lead me to you.” Hanzo knew that this one action didn't exactly compare to all that he had done, and continued to do, for Jesse. He spoke without any sort of confidence, somewhat in a trance. He wasn't used to succeeding at taking care of other people. He wasn't used to saving lives--he was used to taking them.

_What would Jesse think, if he knew this about me? He isn't a killer, but was still treated like garbage. And me? I am a killer. But in the past, I was praised for it._

“It's not the same.” Jesse was no longer looking at him. He slowly slid to the floor, supporting himself with his back against the wall. He absentmindedly stroked Bumble, but even though his gaze was redirected to his pet, he still stared straight through him. “Although I do appreciate his help. He has saved me in other ways…” His voice trailed off. A chill caused the hair on Hanzo's arms to straighten up, and his mouth drew taut, in anger, and with a sad understanding.

_Thank you, Bumble, for keeping this man from taking his life._

“Jesse… you’re very strong.” Hanzo tentatively placed his hand on Jesse's knee, slowly releasing a tense breath when Jesse didn't display any signs of uneasiness. “I hope you know that.”

Jesse was silent for a moment, causing worry to prick at Hanzo's heart. Finally, he nodded. It was a slow, hesitant nod. But it was a nod.

“Things will get better for you, okay? I promise.”

_As long as no one finds me, things can only get better._

“Jesse?”

Now, he lifted his head. On his face, there was clearly a smile. What was also clear was the falseness, the forcing of it.

“I believe you.” Jesse said. He set Bumble down, somehow able to get to his feet without any help. “Things will get better for you, too.”

Jesse held Hanzo's gaze for several seconds. Hanzo's lips slowly parted, words slipping out one by one.

“I… What needs… To get better?”

“Your heart. Your soul. Like mine, it's broken.”

_Genji…_

For once, Hanzo allowed the full weight of his sadness to fall upon him. His eyes stung with wetness. His heart stirred with fury. And the entirety of his body felt heavy. So heavy. It bent, orienting his face with the floor.

“How did you…”

“I know the look of those who have lost it all.” Jesse was blunt in his answer. “You let your sad thoughts take over, so you couldn't hide it anymore.”

“Please don't act like you know me.” Hanzo was unable to hide the hint of distaste that snuck into his voice. “You don't know what I've seen. You don't know what I've done.”

 _What I_ didn't _do..._

Jesse turned away from him, just the slightest bit. His voice was much kinder, much weaker in volume. “You don't know what I've seen, either. I haven't told anyone. I don't think you have, either. Eventually, you can tell me about it. Eventually…”

Jesse looked over his shoulder, sighting the penitent expression already overtaking Hanzo's face. “You will know me. I will know you.”

Bumble curled around Jesse's heel, sending Hanzo a reproachful look. Jesse, on the other hand, displayed no emotion at all. He was just waiting, patiently. For… something.

Hanzo shut his eyes and tipped his head down, a half-nod of acknowledgment. “So be it.” His voice no longer held any venom. It was merely a voice of acceptance. Soon, he would have to face all that he had left behind, as well as everything that the present and future had in store for him. Soon, he would let go of at least some of the pain that followed him, even after miles and miles of travel.

Hanzo left for the store, and Jesse left to restore some strength. Although they were apart, in their thoughts, the other still existed. These thoughts may have been both good and bad ones, but they were thoughts nevertheless. At this point in time, they were all the other had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo and Jesse begin to spend even more time together, and Jesse's condition is improving slowly, but steadily. Jesse continues to notice the sadness in Hanzo. Although the moments are fleeting, they are frequent enough to worry him. One night, Jesse catches Hanzo looking at something from his past, and it makes Jesse both curious and sad. He wants to know what is causing Hanzo so much pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR SUPER SHORT CHAPTERS EEP hope they are still fulfilling enough ;;;;  
> <3 thanks so much for reading, commenting, and giving kudos :) you are all so sweet.

Living together had its challenges, but overall, an improvement had been made in both of their lives. Hanzo's days were filled with caretaking and online freelancing work to make some money. Jesse, on the other hand, struggled to keep his strength by walking around the apartment--walking through the pain. The rest of his time, he tried to help Hanzo with some things, played with Bumble, and read the books that Hanzo had on hand. 

After Hanzo had gotten a couch, the two of them often sat together. Sitting upright still gave Jesse the support that he needed, and this way, they could easily spend some time together.

Whether that be watching a movie, playing a game, or even just talking together. 

It was nice, to have company. But it was also scary, weird, and risky to care so much for someone else. 

Eventually, the two of them couldn't imagine even being apart. Their lives were beginning to intertwine together, in such a strong connection. It would be painful to break it. 

As Jesse’s condition improved, they both began to silently wonder: what would happen once Jesse was fully recovered?

It was too soon to ask, even though asking would have immediately given Jesse the reassurance he needed. 

Hanzo honestly didn't want to let Jesse go. Not just because it wasn't safe, but also because… he was beginning to care for him.

Hanzo knew that he would never forget the childish joy that had appeared in Jesse's eyes as soon as the television had lit up with the loading screen of a video game, and the way it only increased as soon as a controller was placed in his hands. 

Watching him, seeing him like that… It only made Hanzo want to introduce him to even more things, to bring him even more joy. How much had Jesse missed, living the life that he had? It seemed as if he had never had a true childhood; it seemed as if he had never played video games, never eaten a home-cooked meal, never had someone care for him the way Hanzo did. What else had he missed? 

Then again… Hanzo hadn't necessarily had a ‘true’ childhood either.

There was one thing that Jesse definitely did not miss. Upon spending less time in bed and more time with Hanzo, Jesse was able to notice a few things. 

Whenever Hanzo was preparing tea, he gazed into the heated water wistfully, almost as if his reflection would shift to show that of someone else. 

There was a specific dish that Hanzo made, at times. Some sort of pancake, nestled atop fried noodles. Hanzo would always smile down at it before consumption, but it was a bittersweet sort of smile. The kind of smile you had when remembering something you liked about someone, before then remembering that they were gone. 

Tonight, Jesse had gotten up on his own to use the restroom. He was able to walk without any aid at this point, although his ribs were still not yet healed. It was late, approximately 4 in the morning. Hanzo was on the couch, where he had been sleeping recently, but he was not in the prone position. He was sitting, and in his hand, he held a photo. 

Even from several feet away, Jesse was able to detect that it depicted a male, and a handsome one at that. He didn't allow himself to jump to any sort of conclusions right away, but after waiting a moment longer, he saw Hanzo lift the picture to his lips, sending love to that man. 

And it was in that moment that Jesse felt his breath stolen from him, in the worst possible way, for the worst possible reasons. Pain coursed through his veins, rendering him momentarily immobile.

Of course, Jesse had never assumed that Hanzo would have a place in his heart for him, but he had never assumed the alternative, either. It had just… always been a possibility. 

Now, he realized: maybe it wasn't the best idea to fall for the first person to ever care about you. Maybe he shouldn't have let himself get caught up in all that could potentially be. But, when there wasn't much to do with your time, and you were often unable to sleep due to discomfort, the mind tended to wander. 

When he finally regained control over his breathing, he dared to step forward. He dared to speak, even though he risked causing Hanzo to feel even more unhappy, having to explain what upset him, so deeply, on a daily basis. 

“Who is he?” Jesse made certain that he kept his voice light, and gentle. He was a bit disappointed that Hanzo's heart was already taken, because he had allowed himself to imagine that there was a small chance something could happen between them in the future, but thankfully, he had not yet given his own heart to Hanzo. It was merely a possibility, not a certainty. One could be sad even if it was only a possibility that was snatched away before their very eyes. 

Hanzo flinched quite visibly, photograph hastily shoved into the box that rested at his feet. He had allowed himself to take a visit to the past, and in doing so, he had lost all awareness of the present. Normally, he would know when someone was near, let alone staring directly at him. 

_ Stupid.  _ His father's voice echoed in his head. He clutched both sides of it, wanting to drive the voice out forever--almost feeling pain as a result. 

“Hanzo?”

Jesse was much nearer, now, prepared to offer comfort if that was what was needed. 

Hanzo turned away from him. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Not long.” Jesse soothed, now standing before him. His large hand stretched out, carefully settling on Hanzo's shoulder. Again, he asked: “Who is he?”

“Gen…” Hanzo slowly released a breath, struggling to speak a name that he hadn't spoken in months. “Genji.”

Jesse didn't speak. Sometimes, it was better to stay silent. In doing so, it made the speaker feel more… safe. More… alone. Like it was only them and their thoughts, that they were finally voicing aloud.

Hanzo lifted his own hand, gently gripping onto the one that sat on his shoulder. He squeezed, once. For motivation.

And then, he spoke once more.

“My brother.”

  
  



	7. throw your life away for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of two (? probably) flashbacks, to when Hanzo and Genji were part of the Shimada clan. It begins to show all that the brothers had to endure, and gives an idea of what life was like for them, both before and after things take a dark turn. This is when Hanzo goes looking for Genji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No McHanzo in this chapter... not sure about the next. Sorry ;;;; Please let me know what you think of this ^o^ <3  
> Also, there is some violence mentioned in this chapter (through dialogue) so if you want to know what happens but don't feel comfortable reading it, just ask me! I'll give a short summary. But the violence is not detailed at all, so I think it is fine. Next chapter, however, will be worse (ooOOOOhhh spoiler, right?)  
> another slight spoiler (if you can call it that) about the chapter title: therearetwopeoplewhoseliveschangecompletelyduetoriskingtheirlivesforlove  
> I think that was pretty obvious, though! I'm just silly, I guess. hope you enjoy this chapter :)

_ The metal claws on both his hands (the shuko) and his feet (the ashiko) provided him with a secure grip as he scaled the wall with an effortless grace that could only be attributed to ninjas. To be more specific, it was a grace so refined that it was only possessed by those of the Shimada clan. They were renowned for their skill and absence of failure, as well as the harsh regimen that such success required.  _

_ Hanzo paused, suspended in air. One shuko and one ashiko pressed deep into the stone, the others poised in the air as well. _

_ Now, Hanzo did not have to go through so much trouble just to leave the fortress. As next in line to lead the Shimada clan, and with that day drawing nearer and nearer as his father only grew older and older, Hanzo wielded an immense amount of power. If he had really wanted to, he could have just walked right through the guarded gate, no questions asked. _

_ However, even if no one dared to question him, it was possible that someone would be assigned to follow him, and prepare a report on what he had done. _

_ If Genji did not want anyone to know where he was going, then Hanzo most certainly wasn't going to lead anyone to him.  _

_ And Hanzo did not want to create any problems by getting into a fight with his father's own personnel. _

_ So, he waited, relying on the cover of night and the overhanging branches of several trees as a patrol passed along underneath.  _

_ As soon as they were no longer in view or earshot, Hanzo completed his climb over the wall. He changed in the shadows, adopting the clothes as well as the persona of a commoner.  _

_ He struggled to recall any details that his brother may have told him before, panic setting into his bones when his mind came up blank. But just as quickly as it had set in, it was forced out, for Hanzo calmed himself with the techniques he had learned. He focused his mind, and soon, a likely path was mapped before him.  _

_ Given the time, Hanzo deliberated over what reasons he could have for being out so late. He decided on drunkenness, and so, out of his pack he plucked a flask of sake, sipping just enough to place the bitter scent on his tongue.  _

_ Forcing his normally agile body to move in a stumbling way was a bit difficult, but Hanzo had always excelled at playing different roles. Of course, he normally took on different roles in order to kill someone, something that his father was very much proud of. To an extent, Hanzo was proud of it as well, but seeing the honest emotions on someone's face just before death, seeing that raw feeling of fear…  _

_ Occasionally, it gave Hanzo second thoughts. Especially on the missions where he was uncertain as to whether his target was actually deserving of death.  _

_ He didn't let himself dwell on it any longer, for his brother's life was worth more to him than anyone else's. _

_ Even his own. _

_ His brother tended to play around a lot, but that had rarely detracted from his training (unless you took into consideration his frequent tardiness). Genji was almost as proficient as Hanzo in the ways of the ninja, and Hanzo had complimented him on his skill on multiple occasions.  _

_ But, Hanzo had also noticed the lack of life, the lack of enjoyment in Genji’s eyes as he trained. It was only when the two of them faced each other that Genji had any signs of happiness with how he was spending his life. _

He is only happy to train when he is training with  _ me.  _

_ This should have caused Hanzo to smile, the fact that his brother still cares so much for him, but it only caused him to worry. _

_ If his brother was not dedicated to the clan, there would come a time where that would be known. Maybe he would fail the clan in some way, or maybe they would just  _ see _ it somehow.  _

_ What would happen, then? _

_ Hanzo allowed his staggering steps to take him directly into a wall. He needed some slight pain, to drag him back into the present, rather than the future. _

_ Some time passed. The sun began to peek out over the horizon. Hanzo finally reached his destination, the home of the man his brother loved, but he saw. He saw it, then. This was not a house. This was merely the  _ remains _ of a house. It had been destroyed, right down to each individual beam. Hanzo just stared at it, in horror.  _

_ In the background, a woman was just beginning to set up shop. She noticed the frightened way Hanzo was viewing the destruction.  _

_ “Don't worry, dear.” She smiled, as he turned to meet her eyes. “This family was moving, anyways.”  _

_ “So, they got away alright?” _

_ The woman nodded, as she transferred fruit from her basket to her table.  _

_ “They're all safe, dear.” _

_ Hanzo stared thoughtfully into the wreckage, wondering what had destroyed the building as well as what had become of his brother.  _

_ “What happened here?” _

_ The woman glanced around, wary. She gestured for Hanzo to come closer, and he did. _

_ “That Shimada family,” she whispered. “They sent men here, to retrieve one of their own. I guess he must have done something bad, because they dragged him out…” She lowered her voice even more. “By his  _ hair.” 

_ Unconsciously, Hanzo's hands had formed into fists. He didn't notice, and while the woman had, she made no comment on it.  _

_ “He went willingly, until…” The woman's face grew sad. “Well, until they brought another young man out as well. Also by the hair. As soon as the Shimada boy saw him, he twisted out of their grasp. And, he… he fought them. Even with my window cracked, I couldn't hear much of what was said, but I know the Shimada boy told the young man to leave. To join his family.” _

_ Hanzo felt increasingly more sick, and with the woman's following words, he barely kept himself from throwing up out of stress and pain.  _

_ “That boy fought hard. He fought everyone that had come for him, and he distracted them long enough for that family to get away. He fought for a long time, and I didn't like watching the way he began to falter, the way he kept getting knocked down, but I just…” The woman pinched the bridge of her nose. “I had to know if he won.”  _

_ She fell silent, a tear or two slipping down the nose she had been pinching.  _

_ “But he didn't.” Hanzo continued, when the woman showed no signs of speaking further. Hanzo already sensed that something was wrong. Already knew how things had gone. He felt it right in his very soul. “He didn't win. What did they  _ do  _ with him!?” _

_ Perhaps Hanzo should have felt a bit of shame, for yelling like this at a woman who had recounted a story despite how disturbing it must have been to watch. But at this point, he couldn't bring himself to care. He only cared about his brother.  _

_ “They said they were bringing him back.” Now, the woman hesitated. Her hand stretched out towards the fruit already lined up, aching to place them back in her basket, anxious to retreat back into the safety of her home. The hand shook, ever so slightly. It was an action that could not be missed. _

_ Hanzo felt that there were more words left unsaid. “And?” _

_ “They said they were bringing him back, and that it would be his brother who killed him.” _


	8. safekeeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone suggests that Genji be allowed to leave and start a new life, but no one else agrees with this plan. Hanzo's katana is brought out; swung down in order to end Genji's life...   
> a risk is taken with disastrous results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sO the end of this might be a bit cheesy!!! sorry! also umm. WARNING there is definitely some violence ahead, but it is not too detailed/not gory. There is also mention of abuse, and slight description of the results of such abuse... (s p o i l e r SPOILER s p o i i i i i i l e r r r r r r r r, if you need to know what it is before you read, it is dragonskillpeoplearrowtobackscarsonbodyduetowhippingthreateningtokillwithasword).

_ Genji wept, bitterly, at his father's feet. He didn't clutch onto him in any way, but he didn't dare to rise to his feet or to defy him otherwise.  _

_ At the age of 18, Genji had not yet received the power of an ancestral dragon. Although he could stand a chance against a great number of opponents, even all at once, he did not quite have the capability required to save his life.  _

_ He knew this, but he also was not yet quite sure what his father's plans were… if his father actually planned on ending his life.  _

_ As soon as no more tears were left in him, he slowly lifted his head, sighting Hanzo stepping through the gate. _

_ The voices all around him, deciding his outcome without actually including him in it, fell silent.  _

_ “Hanzo,” his father greeted him. Hanzo bowed his head in response, but his lowered gaze landed on his brother. “We have been waiting for you.” _

_ “I was searching for Genji.” Hanzo declared. His eyes did not leave his brother. He tried to display sympathy in them, but Genji only turned his head away.  _

_ “Ah, to turn him in? My good son.” _

_ The corner of his mouth tensed. Hanzo decided not to answer, assuming it was not required of him. _

_ “Genji Shimada.” Now, Genji met Hanzo's eyes. Just briefly, before he shifted his gaze to his father. Pain was no longer visible in his expression. Now, he kept his face blank. He would no longer show weakness.  _

_ “You have brought dishonor upon your family. Upon our empire. Openly displaying affection with a--” Their father spat. It just barely missed Genji's shoes. _ “--man.  _ Someone of the same sex.” There were murmurs of agreement, everyone equally expressing their disgust. “You were  _ stupid.  _ Pathetic.”  _

_ Genji didn't break eye contact. Only Hanzo could see the very subtle way in which he shook, and that was because he was the only one who truly knew him. Even if they had drifted apart a bit in the past few years, as their father placed more and more pressure on Hanzo, they still knew each other. _

_ But there were many things Genji still did not know about him. _

_ “You would rather spend your time outside of our home, playing games. Getting too close to people you shouldn't. Letting your brother pick up the slack. Do you have any idea how much he has suffered because of you!?” _

_ Their father gestured for Hanzo to step closer. Hanzo dared to shake his head, almost imperceptibly. _

_ “Hanzo,” his father warned. “Come. Here.”  _

_ Several of his father's men ‘gently’ led him forward, pushed him to his knees. They dragged his shirt up to his neck, displaying his back to Genji.  _

_ Shame and fury burned Hanzo's cheeks. It was clear to him, now more than ever, that his father did not see Genji and him as sons. He only saw them as a means to an end. They were tools. Nothing more. _

_ Hanzo heard a soft sob emit from Genji's mouth, one that Genji had clearly attempted to suppress, but he had been too shocked to succeed.  _

_ Along Hanzo's back were lines of raised skin. Scars. In innumerable quantity. Hanzo had never allowed Genji to see them, because he did not want to cause him worry, or pain. He had not wanted to take away his brother's only happiness, even if it existed away from him. _

_ “Whenever word got to me that you were doing something dishonorable, your brother was punished.” _

_ “What--” Hanzo heard Genji get to his feet. “Why? Why him!?” _

_ “Your  _ brother  _ chose to shoulder all of  _ your _ mistakes.”  _

_ Hanzo was now allowed to stand, bare skin now securely covered. Genji gently grabbed him by the shoulder, turned his brother so that he could search his eyes. _

_ “Is this true?” _

_ Hanzo nodded, a lone tear exiting his eye. Everything that he had worked so hard to hold together was now falling apart. _

_ Genji had broken his promise to himself. Every emotion he felt was openly exhibited, and he no longer cared who saw.  _

_ “Your brother will take your burden upon himself no longer.”  _

_ A muted, unmistakable sound rang out throughout the courtyard.  _

_ Hanzo's breath caught in his throat. He spun around, anger gleaming in his eyes. His katana--someone else was brandishing it. And with the worst intentions.  _

_ “You have made a mistake.” Hanzo hissed, fingers wrapping around his brother's wrist. Genji gave him the saddest look of betrayal, and Hanzo hurried to mouth:  _ not you. 

_ “That sword... is mine. My body, my secrets... they're mine. Do not  _ test  _ me.” _

_ The men around him gave off a sense of uneasiness. Torn between their current leader, with little time left, and their future leader--the one with the greatest potential they had ever seen.  _

_ “Ah, but Hanzo…” His father smiled, a smile with no compassion. He clapped his hand on Hanzo's shoulder, holding none of the gentleness in him that Genji had. “You have suffered enough for your brother. It is time for him to take the punishment he deserves--to stop ruining your life. To stop ruining our livelihoods.” _

_ At 21, Hanzo had held control over his dragons for a little more than a year. That year had been long enough for him to nearly perfect using them in a fight, and his dragons and him had such a strong bond that he knew they would willingly, loyally follow him through anything and everything.  _

_ At times, it almost felt as if  _ they  _ were leading  _ him.

_ This was one of such times. _

_ The dragons roared inside his mind. Beneath his skin, throughout his veins. Their combined power consumed him; the brilliant blue light derived from it blinding.  _

_ A handful of the men bowed before him without reservation.  _

_ “My brother will be spared.” Hanzo spoke slowly, carefully. He wanted each individual word to be heard, understood, and acknowledged. “You will allow him to leave. He will never be a burden to you again.” _

_ For a moment, no one spoke. They were awaiting their current leader’s response. Then, Hanzo's father laughed. It was a laugh that built in volume, slowly, like kindling gradually catching fire. One second, there was no power in it. The next, the laugh swallowed him up, like the flames would the wood. It made everyone present shiver--it was not a nice sound. _

_ “Ah, yes. And how would that make me look? Our empire? Showing mercy to someone who goes against our way of life? We cannot afford to show mercy. Another clan will challenge us.” _

_ “He can slip away secretly. With a new identity.” _

_ That same laugh. “He will do nothing of the sort.” His father gestured, instructing the man wielding Hanzo's sword to strike. It was a subtle beckon, but Hanzo’s observation skills had been cultivated. As the katana swung down, Hanzo's arm swung up. His dragons, that he had been exerting so much energy to hold back, were finally released. Eating away at the sword, the hand that held it, the body that was an extension of the hand. His dragons continued to rush forward, winding around each other in a flurry of color and spitting up splashes of red as they tore apart those who stood in their way.  _

_ While most were distracted by this, Hanzo shot forward and grabbed ahold of his brother, leading him to the wall that he had scaled hours before. _

_ “We must leave, brother, or they will do everything in their power to ensure our demise.”  _

_ Genji dashed ahead, encouraged by his brother's support. He had no weapon, but he had his speed. That's all he needed to join his brother in climbing the wall, for his equipment to complete such a task was still in his possession.  _

_ Side by side, they made their way upwards, crossing the top to the other side in the same moment.  _

_ Except, as Genji made his way over the wall, an arrow struck him directly in the center of his back, causing him to topple over the edge. On the other side, Hanzo was barely able to catch him, and he grunted with the strain. He shifted his brother so that he remained strung over his shoulder, and painstakingly took it step by step downwards, making an effort to balance both his and his brother's weight equally. When he made it to the ground, he lifted Genji into his arms properly. He took one glance back at the walls, gauging as to whether he needed to engage in further combat. Flickers of blue sporadically came through the stone, so Hanzo trusted that his dragons would bide him a little more time. _

_ Hopefully it would be enough. _

_ Ninjas… one particular skill they developed was the ability to travel great distances in very little time. Hanzo would always remember this day to be the one in which he had reached the absolute height of this ability. Minutes were all it took to arrive at his destination, and Hanzo was thankful, because he didn't know how much longer Genji could hold on. _

_ “Angela,” Hanzo gasped. He had not been the one to receive an arrow to the back, but he still felt the urge to pass out due to all of his exerted energy. He had pushed himself so hard--the travel, the dragons… Emotionally… _

_ “Fuck, Hanzo, what--” _

_ “Please, Angela, please do not ask me. Don't ask me.  _ Please.”  _ This was the first time Hanzo's voice was so desperate, so pleading. Angela could not refuse him. _

_ “If you can save his life and change his appearance so no one would ever recognize him, I will owe you. Anything. Angela, ple--” _

_ “Hanzo.” She gently placed her hand on Hanzo's shoulder. “Relax.” _

_ Hanzo tipped his head in acknowledgement and followed Angela inside, setting Genji where instructed. He was facedown, head tipped to the side. The shock and pain had rendered him unconscious, and Hanzo took comfort in that. He can't register the pain if he is not awake… right? _

_ However, it also brought tears to his eyes. His brother… like this. And the fact that Hanzo would have to leave without him hearing a farewell.  _

_ “Someday, I will return. And I will repay this debt. For now, this is all I can give you.” Hanzo whispered, not risking raising his voice further for fear of encouraging the tears. He withdrew what money he had from his backpack and set it down on the nearest surface.  _

_ Angela looked up from where she was beginning to treat Genji, confusion written across her face. “What?” _

_ “I cannot stay. If I stay, my brother will die.” _

_ Angela was clearly becoming angry when hearing those words with no explanation. “He could very well die even if you leave! What the hell do you think you're doing!?”  _

_ Hanzo rested his hand on his brother's cheek, bending down to place a kiss on his forehead. “There are men who want to kill us. Who will do anything to track us down. I want to leave my brother with you… I want to lead the men off of his trail. I want my brother to be…  safe.” Hanzo choked a bit at the end of his sentence, a sob fighting to escape his throat. Would his brother survive even if no one found him? Would he even survive the night? Hanzo couldn't bear to think of it, and he didn't have the time to.  _

_ “I will be back.” _

_ I will return for you, brother.  _

_ I love you. _

 

~~~

 

“I haven't seen him since. I don't even know if he is alive.”

By the end of Hanzo's recount of the story, Jesse was seated beside him, even going so far as to embrace him. Hanzo didn't like to show weakness, but it had been so long since he had felt any sort of comfort, any sort of care. He would never admit it, but he actually shuffled a bit closer, pressing his face into Jesse's chest. His own chest rose and fell with the smallest of sobs, and Jesse gently rubbed his back as he did so. 

This level of closeness, this amount of affection--it was not normal by any means, but their relationship had never been normal to begin with. Two broken souls had found each other and were only now figuring out how to rebuild themselves. In doing so, in helping each other do so, they also began to create a bond between them, one that interweaved each part of each of their hearts. It was an underlying red ribbon, lost in the remaining red, the blood, of their hearts. It could never be seen, but you could always guarantee that it was there.

Something had brought them together, and now nothing could tear them apart. 

  
  



	9. young & reckless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bumble & Jesse meet Aiko & Akemi, and McHanzo are toooo flirty.
> 
> (YOOO sorry it has been so long... omg. So sorry ;;;; been going through a lot lmao. Pls forgive  
> thank  
> also pls read chapter notes at the end and give your feedback? I actually  
> Don't know about this chapter tbh. I'm really sleep-deprived so I'm like "lol this is fine"  
> (It's prolly not) so yeah! lmk and thanks so much for everything!)  
> Btdubs it's kinda cheesy esp the last line too cheesy and dumb yup yup buttercup

Jesse’s eyes fluttered several times before remaining open, taking in the sight of a still slumbering Hanzo. He groaned as he stretched, a dull sort of sting pressing through his body. 

They were facing each other, Hanzo’s head resting on his arm, that he had flung over the couch. Before he had stretched, Jesse’s own hand had been mere centimeters away. 

Hanzo did appear more relaxed in this state, but the fine lines of stress, of worry? They still visibly stuck out, striking worry into Jesse, as well. 

His mind wandered, just as his eyes did. More lines from Hanzo's past existed on his body, inflicted by the very person you were supposed to be able to trust. For surprisingly nonsexual reasons, Jesse wanted to see his back, gently trace fingertips over the scars and cause Hanzo to associate comfort with that part of him rather than pain. 

Of course, one touch would not be able to erase years of suffering…

Perhaps… continuous touches, over a long period of time?

Time…

Time was something Jesse did not have. 

Hanzo's eyes were opening, gradually showing him the sadness that was found in Jesse's own eyes. 

“Do not pity me.” His voice was soft in volume, but strong with sincerity. Jesse immediately flinched back in confusion.

“What? I… No, I… I'm not pitying you.”

“Then why do you look… so…?”

Jesse straightened up further, rubbing his palm over traitorous eyes. “I'm almost healed, Hanzo.”

A moment of silence, before it was interrupted by an out of place laugh. “And? Shouldn't you be happy about that?”

“I'm happy I'm not in pain anymore,” he admitted, nibbling at his lip in a way that proved he was not finished speaking. Yet, he was hesitant.

“What I'm not happy about is that I will have to leave a friend.” It was spoken all in one breath, but spoken with a quietness, a vulnerability. Jesse avoided Hanzo's eyes.

Hanzo hesitated as well, having some difficulty with the fact that he had just been called somebody's friend. He had never had that sort of bond with another, and it both delighted and frightened him.

“Why would you have to leave me?”

Now, Jesse met his eyes, unable to hide the shock in them. “B-because I'm… a… burden?”

Now, Hanzo was unable to hide the concern in his own eyes. “Why would you think you are a burden?”

Jesse turned away again. “It's a long story… okay? Just… everything that's happened to me, in the past. I'm definitely a burden. And I've barely been helping you out around here, and--”

“Jesse…” 

His hand… upon Jesse's hand… warmth clasping warmth. The warmth stretching up into Jesse's heart, calming his mind. “If people have called you a burden before, it is because they have no heart. Jesse, please. They have no heart. I… I  _ barely _ have a heart. Okay? Most of it has been… torn out of me. You understand? But it so easily accepted you into it. I so easily accepted you into my life. Anyone with half a heart, even a hundredth of a heart… would want you. As a brother, as a lover, as a friend, as a son. As anything.” 

Jesse squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to hold back the tears. Hanzo had been so open with him the night before; why did he feel as if he were not allowed to say a word himself? Why was he still holding back? Afraid to open his heart, afraid to trust. 

“Jesse?”

“Do you actually have dragons?” His voice was ever so gentle, ever so wavering. Hanzo knew he was changing the subject, but after seeing the uncertainty, the insecurity in his friend, Hanzo couldn't bear to force him to speak about those issues further. 

“Would you like to see them?”

  
  


~~~

  
  


Bumble was on top of the refrigerator. How his awkward self was able to get up there was a mystery. 

He would not stop giving the most pitiful of meows, fear evident in his curved back and slight shivers of his body. 

Below him sat two dragons, still somehow intimidating in their current small state. They watched Bumble with curious yet nonthreatening eyes and were in their smallest possible states, but this did nothing to qualm Bumble's worries. 

Upon noticing the situation, Jesse gently lifted Bumble into his arms, and Hanzo knelt to the ground, his own hands going to each of his dragons’ necks. 

“It’s okay, Bumble, they're just like you!” Jesse bumped their noses together. “They're basically cats. The only fights that will go on are play-fights. Unless  _ you-- _ ” He brought Bumble's face directly up to his, keeping their noses together this time. “--are the one to misbehave. Can I trust you?”

Hanzo accidentally let a chuckle slip, causing Jesse to glance at him in surprise.

“Whatsa matter?” 

“It's cute,” Hanzo started, releasing his grip on his dragons and slowly rising to his feet. Jesse's cheeks were already turning ever so slightly pink. “How you think he understands you, let alone will  _ listen  _ to you.”

Without even realizing it, Jesse pressed his lower lip out, extending it further than his upper one. “He does listen to me. Look.”

“Bumble?” The kitty tilted his head to the side before nudging it against Jesse's cheek, eyes shut in safety and content. “Be nice. Okay?”

Bumble meowed softly as he was set on the floor, still wary about the dragons but not trying to escape any longer. 

Again, Hanzo held his dragons back, murmuring to them and asking them to cooperate in his mind. As feisty as they normally were, and as curious as they were, they cared enough to comply. They had never bothered Bumble before, and wanted to become friends before beginning to annoy the adorable cat.

“Go on, now, Bumble. Say hi!” A pat to the head. 

Bumble sat before them, tail gliding in gentle, horizontal motions. He ever so slowly blinked his eyes, hoping to convey that he was to be trusted, and hoping that he would be able to trust them as well.

He flinched back as soon as reassurances were given to him, but by way of telepathy. Telepathy was not something cats were accustomed to. 

Bumble turned his head and gave Jesse an accusatory meow, a meow that Jesse could not quite understand the meaning of.

“Why's he--”

“They, uh. They can transfer their thoughts… To someone's mind?” Hanzo visibly cringed, realizing how absolutely ludicrous that sounded. 

Jesse just appeared to be somewhat amused, and not at all surprised, given all the insanity Hanzo had already shared with him. “Of course they do.”

“Bumble, this is Aiko,” Hanzo tapped the head of the smugly smiling dragon. “And this is Akemi.” He scratched behind the ears of the dragon that appeared to be slightly more concerned with Bumble’s reaction. Aiko didn't bother to hide the rolling of her eyes.

Bumble's gaze shifted from Aiko’s to Akemi’s and then back again. It was clear that they were engaged in some sort of exchange, and it took mere seconds before Bumble was pouncing on Aiko, nipping at her ears and gently kicking at her stomach. 

“What a coupla dorks.” Hanzo idly remarked, drawing a low chuckle out of Jesse. 

“Just like us, huh?”

Hanzo ever so slowly pivoted on his heel, just as slowly perking an eyebrow up. “Is that so? Figured that was just you.”

Jesse's lips parted in minor surprise, not quite expecting the sassy response. “Now, you just hold on a minute--”

“Why? Can't think of a quip quick enough?”

All three of the animals lifted their heads, attention piqued by the now much more pronounced laugh that issued from McCree. He supported his weight by leaning his hip and shoulder up against the wall, arms gradually folding over his chest. 

“Now, what's gotten into you, hmm?”

Hanzo dared to smile ever so slightly, smirk mirroring that of Aiko’s. “I believe their playful mood has been transferred to me.”

That, and Hanzo wanted to draw out the happy side of the man. Draw out that dazzling, genuine grin. Make him forget all the dark times he had gone through, for as long as possible.

Jesse reflected on that explanation, eyes falling on the way Akemi was now on top of Bumble, limbs intertwined and kisses pressed to cheeks and corners of eyes. Claws occasionally dancing against the other’s skin. If that was playful, then Jesse certainly wouldn't mind getting involved in a similar sort of behavior with Hanzo--

“Hm.” Jesse smiled back, his a bright and unrestrained one. “I like it.”

_ It.  _ Hanzo’s mind briefly replaced the word with “you”, liking to imagine how that phrase would sound falling off of those sweet lips. 

_ Why am I thinking of such things… _

Distracted, Hanzo missed the opportunity to send off another flirty response. Jesse beat him to it.

“You like to be a little fiery at times? I should have expected as much from a dragon.”

Hanzo blinked up at him in surprise, not realizing he had stepped closer. Possibly… too close?

_ Or not close enough.  _

Dare he say it?

“Is that your way of calling me…” Hanzo paused. Speaking of fire, his cheeks were burning. He was normally one to keep his composure, but seeing as he had never interacted with someone in this way… and seeing as Jesse was not just any random dude; he was someone… special--

“Hot?” McCree had no problem with filling the empty space. Absentmindedly, his tongue dipped past his lips in order to wet them. Just as absentmindedly, Hanzo's gaze fell to observe the motion. “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

“You said yes first.” Hanzo couldn't hold back the grin threatening to split his lips any longer. Jesse's lips matched his. Exactly. Now they  _ were _ acting like a coupla dorks. Or at least smiling like them. 

“Technically I said  _ maybe _ first--”

“Jesse…” Hanzo couldn't help the slight bit of whininess that crept into his tone. He also couldn't help but reach a hand out, mindlessly straightening Jesse's collar. His fingertip grazed along the fabric, reluctant to relinquish even the smallest amount of contact between the two of them.

“Mm?” McCree’s own hand was raised, falling into place over Hanzo's. Somehow, their pair of hands had ended up curving around Jesse's neck. 

Hanzo could feel a nerve tighten under his touch; Jesse was clearly nervous to have initiated that contact, and was holding his breath while awaiting Hanzo's reaction.

Hanzo shyly lifted his eyes to meet Jesse's, the softest of expressions displayed within them. For Jesse, for the moment, that was all the confirmation he needed. 

“I won't lie to ya, Han. Don't wanna.”

Hanzo's breath caught in his throat. “So…”

“Yes, I do find ya mighty attractive. Alright?” He shifted his gaze away, inexplicably attempting to read the small print of the one of the papers pressed to the front of the fridge.

Hanzo pressed closer to him, other hand lifting to rest on the other side of Jesse's neck. “I think that term is better reserved for yourself.” He whispered, eyelashes fluttering against his skin as it was his turn to avert his eyes. 

“Is that so?” Jesse borrowed the phrase that Hanzo had put into play earlier, but instead of sounding amused, he sounded… astonished. Yet, pleasantly so. 

Hanzo hummed in affirmation, fingertips dancing along the curves of Jesse's neck. This led to shut eyes, shut in content. A hum of his own was elicited, a hum of complete and utter comfort and trust. While Jesse wasn't ready to open up about his past, he did know he could trust Hanzo with his life… as odd as that may seem. 

“Don't sound so surprised, Jesse. I'm sure you are already very much aware.”

Those eyes flashed back open. Those hands rose to grab at Hanzo's waist. “No… why don't you…”

A shaky inhale. An even shakier exhale. “...Show me?” 

Despite their compromising position, Hanzo still could not believe the request. He also was unsure how much that request… entailed. But being so… fresh, their relationship--or whatever it was--with each other… 

These feelings, that he assumed (prayed) they both shared… were so… new. They had been much clearer last night, when Jesse had kept Hanzo safe in his arms, kept the story of his suffering locked in his heart. When Jesse had brushed back those dark locks of hair, before brushing away those glistening tears. Jesse had found himself thinking… every emotion on Hanzo was beautiful. And he found himself vowing to only ever cause Hanzo to cry out of joy, or cry out in--

Well.

And simultaneously, Hanzo had been daydreaming of waking up in those arms, of being lifted up with those arms, perhaps even being pinned down by those arms. 

During that moment, their gazes were locked and eyes honest. One shared emotion was sadness, but the other was… hope.

Hope that they would make it out of whatever had been dragging them both down for awhile. 

Hope that something would come of their time spent together. Weeks of laughter and brief touches, weeks of feeling the other's eyes on them, but usually feeling too shy to meet them. 

Maybe it was too fast. Just a couple weeks and they were already feeling such tension. But what must be considered is the fact that both of them had been alone for a long while. Sure, maybe it hadn't been until this moment that they admitted to themselves maybe, just maybe I am starting to like him. But did it matter?

“Show me.” Jesse had asked. And the earnestness with which he had done so had not gone unnoticed. Even if it  _ was  _ too soon, there was no way that Hanzo could--or even wanted to--resist. 

The hands on that smooth neck tugged with a gentleness Jesse had not expected to come, what with how long Hazo had been thinking for. There was a slight hesitation, in the moment that they were breathing each other's breaths, because this moment… it was…

Special. It was so… strong. All of the feelings they had both been struggling to repress, lying to themselves about, they were suddenly able to release? It was meant to be savored. Each half of a centimeter had to be felt. That soft press of lips had to come slowly, slow enough that the gradually increasing pressure could be acknowledged, measured. And so that if any second thoughts slipped into either of their minds, it could be ended immediately. 

Yet, no more hesitation came. Instead, if there was any sort of pause, it was just to memorize the sensation.

Slotted together, their mouths stayed for a single second. Freeze frame; their grips tightening on the other as their lips began to move as one.

It was still so very unhurried for two, three, four more seconds. 

And then, all of a sudden, the intensity of every emotion, of every experience they had shared with each other, whether it be in person or in recounts of the past, poured through. The desire to be cared for, to feel affection. They made it known in the way hands moved to hair, bodies moved to wall, and tongues moved to touch. 

It was clear in the way Jesse gasped into Hanzo's mouth, it was clear in the way Hanzo had to pull away, for just one second just one second. An endearing swallow of breath before he was swallowed back up in McCree's arms and McCree's sometimes gentle, sometimes rough nips and it was several minutes of this. No progression forward, no winding back. 

And then, just as abruptly as it had accelerated, it ended. The kissing, anyways. Hanzo remained pressed up against the wall, engulfed by McCree's larger form. Foreheads pressed up against each other, and they both struggled to draw oxygen back into their brains and reason back into their minds.

Their eyes met, the uncertainty unhidden. What had just happened… was it out of loneliness? Unfulfilled horniness? Feelings? All of the above?

A softer kiss was shared, initiated by Jesse this time. He cupped Hanzo's cheek, and Hanzo barely kept himself from giving a breathless sob. 

For just a moment there, he had been rather… afraid. He had had sex before, yes, but only in the body to body sense. Never had his lips come into contact with another person's, and only once had he enjoyed the company of a man. None of those sexual encounters had held any sort of real emotion (unless guilt and fear counted), but giving this part of himself to someone--something as innocent and seemingly unimportant as a kiss--meant a great deal to him. He felt vulnerable, but knowing Jesse's character, he knew it was worth taking a chance.

The sweet sharing of each other's mouths was short-lived, for that uncertainty still hung over them, even if it wasn't as heavy as a moment ago.

“Jesse…” Hanzo murmured, pressing his face into the man's chest. “W-was this a… was this a mistake?” 

Vulnerable. Again. Stupid? Perhaps. Should you even ask something like that? Hanzo felt remarkably like a fifteen year old, expecting something someone was unlikely to give. True, committed feelings. Not just the desire for sex.

Jesse stepped back, flinching as if Hanzo had struck the back of his hand against his cheek, and Hanzo immediately felt regret rise within him when he sighted the pain in Jesse's eyes. “I-I’m sorry, I just… I haven't… I've never kissed anyone before; I don't want this to be… to be…”

“Han,” another kiss. To the corner of his lips. Hanzo faltered in his ramblings, eyes fluttering shut but not in a relaxed manner by any means. More kisses were dropped to the corner of each of his troubled eyes, gradually pulling the tension out of his body.

McCree brushed a single lock of hair behind Hanzo's ear, admiring that, while most of it was elegantly tied back, there were a few loose strands dancing about and embellishing his appearance rather than detracting from it. While Hanzo may be refined to an extent, there was a part of him just as unrestrained as those few strands. Silly, joking, and adorable. Jesse liked both sides of the man. 

“It’s only a mistake if you say it is, darlin’.”

And although all Hanzo gave was silence, it was music to McCree's ears. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this even realistic?  
> They have been in close proximity for weeks and are young & horny amIrite lmao lmao lmao  
> Only problem is I haven't WRITTEN them interacting very much?  
> So  
> Maybe? I know it can take very little time to start to like someone tbh. And their situation is a unique one. But if you guys think this is too soon, 1) MAJOR. APOLOGIES. it was just kissing, but. You know. And 2) I will definitely rewrite it ><


	10. I trust you but not my own mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff MISUNDERSTANDING fluff  
> restaurants & dumb insults & new developments & insecurities & fluffY CAT AND DRAGONS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT HAS BEEN AWHILE  
> and I am so sorry ahahaha  
> Also I have no idea how long this story is gonna be lmao  
> if you guys ever think it's "dragon on" (superbadpunIknowLOL) please let me know much love much love  
> kudos & comments are appreciated ^o^ but I appreciate anyone who even takes the time to check this out~~~

Piled in the doorway were two dragons and one cat, but they were practically indistinguishable from each other when they were just a tangle of limbs. Hanzo and Jesse came upon them at the same moment, Jesse while exiting the room and Hanzo while bringing the both of them mugs near to overflowing with coffee. This meant that he took careful steps, and given his upbringing, they were entirely silent. Jesse, distracted by the cute mess on the floor, glanced up and let slip a few curse words that were strung together in the most absurd, amusing way. Hanzo was also surprised by such an outburst, but his hands stayed steady. Pressure and unpreparedness meant nothing when they went up against years and years of training. What didn't stay steady were his lips--they trembled for a moment before parting in loud laughter, and he tipped his head back in a way that was somehow done with care despite how carefree he sounded. 

“Hanzo,” Jesse snorted, caught off guard a second time by how much the other man was cracking up. “It's really not… that funny.”

“Your  _ face _ \--” Hanzo hastily found a table to set the mugs down on, before setting his ass down on the bed Jesse had just gotten out of. And made so nicely. Now the blankets were going to get all ruffled. Not that Jesse could really complain--honestly that ass could set itself down wherever it well pleased. Such as--

“Jesse?”

Not only was Hanzo staring at him, but the three animals had all straightened up into a more comprehensible picture and were directing their gazes his way as well. How could a dragon possibly possess the capability to smirk!?

“You good?” 

McCree gifted him with a smile, not even bothering to hide the dreamy aspect of it. Still somewhat distracted, but only in the best possible way. “Of course I am.”

He plopped down next to the concerned man, turning to him in plans of explaining (lying, of course), but he was silenced when a mug was pressed into his hands.

“I trust that you slept well?”

_ If you count staying awake all night reliving that kiss as “well”, then… yes. _

“As always,” Jesse took a sip, sighing in content at how Hanzo’s coffee always seemed to be prepared at just the right temperature. “But that reminds me. It's about time you sleep in your bed again.”

Hanzo’s eyebrow lifted in slow motion, a gradual sort of understanding and a pink color rising to his face. 

Jesse hurried to correct himself, choking a bit on his coffee in the process. “Oh no no no no I meant I'd switch places with you not that you'd--Oh, my God--”

Hanzo ducked his head, willing his blush to fade away so that he could speak more comfortably. “Don't worry about it, really.”

Jesse reached over Hanzo to set his mug down, now empty fingers brushing against the man's knee as they were drawn back to Jesse's body. Hanzo lifted his head before the red had fully dissipated from his skin. In fact, it was as if the rewind button were located on his knee and had been pressed by McCree’s fingertips, because all of the blood had come rushing back. He would hate (love?) to imagine how bright the red would become if Jesse were to touch him…  _ more. _

“Worry about what? Me tripping over my words or me overstaying my welcome and stealing your bed?”

“I don't mind either of those things. Also it's not stealing if I offer it to you.”

Jesse appeared to be deep in thought for a minute. In fact, it was as if he were studying Hanzo's forehead. Counting the lines like one would a tree stump to ascertain its age. 

At least, that was what Hanzo feared him to be doing.

“In that case…” Jesse leaned far into his personal space, intimidating Hanzo enough for him to produce some unintelligible sounds and slam his mug down onto the table to join Jesse's. Perhaps Hanzo actually  _ could _ be startled into clumsiness… but only if it were an attractive man with the initials J.M. and an optimistic attitude and  _ oh  _ those were large arms… Yesterday they had been pressing him up against a wall and today one was yet again on either side of him… “May I “steal” a kiss?”

Hanzo gave him another noise, one he still couldn't make sense of. That wasn't enough for confirmation.

A hand cupped Hanzo's face. Then another. A thumb wiped away a dribble of coffee that had only just missed the entrance of the man's mouth. 

Hanzo was a teapot, heating up slowly then all at once, his body screaming for attention and for a release of all the pent-up energy. Rosy droplets seeped out under Jesse's fingertips, and Hanzo could see McCree's eyes follow the sight of pale pink decorating his skin. He could also see how such a sight brought a smile to the man's lips, and he felt his heart clench in the most strangely pleasant way.

A simple nod was all he could currently manage, but for Jesse, that was answer enough. His mouth met Hanzo's with such a shocking tenderness that Hanzo actually whimpered. This, however, triggered some sort of mechanism in Jesse's mind, because suddenly he was groaning in frustration and nibbling insistently at Hanzo's lower lip. Out of instinct, Hanzo’s mouth opened, and Jesse's tongue pressed in, pressed at Hanzo's until the other man's was grazing against his just as wantonly. 

Half a minute passed before Jesse lifted his head. Since when had he lowered Hanzo onto his back? Since when was he halfway on top of him, chest pressed to chest and leg thrown over leg?

“Um.”

Hanzo coughed, simultaneously laughing and drawing air into his lungs.

“‘Um’ is right,” he spoke softly as he sat up, Jesse mirroring his motions. Their noses gently bumped against each other in the process, and they exchanged shy glances & smiles.

“Hey, Jesse.” Their noses were still touching. Hanzo rested his hand on McCree's knee, gently squeezing it. He was the first to dip his head down, a little overwhelmed by the contact. “I gotta go somewhere today--”

Jesse had already jumped to his feet. “Can I come? I'm basically better, Han.”

He didn't bother to hide his excitement, and it made Hanzo wince because he didn't want to agree. “Actually, Jesse…” He also stood, meeting the taller man's eyes despite his discomfort. “It's. I have something… personal to do.”

“Oh.” Bumble was already weaving in-between Jesse's legs, meowing pitifully and gazing up at his owner with wide, concerned eyes. The cat was surprisingly attuned to all of Jesse's emotions, and while Hanzo was thankful for it, it only made him feel all the more guilty. 

“As soon as I'm back, we'll go out to eat somewhere… alright?”

Jesse's smile was genuine, and Hanzo almost wished to drop a peck on his lips before leaving, but he didn't feel as if they were quite at that level yet. Instead, he settled for a longing look at them, and Jesse pulled him in by the waist, lips gently hitting the corner of Hanzo's own pair. Then, they grazed against the shell of his ear. “I'll look forward to it.” 

Something that could barely qualify as being called a “date” seemed to come across as rather… bedroom… like. Well, that  _ is  _ where they were--

There was no way Jesse didn't feel the shiver that shocked his body. Hanzo couldn't meet his eyes as he brushed past him. “Pick any place, Jesse--make sure it's at least somewhat expensive. No fast food!” 

“Alright, darlin’.”

Hanzo halted in his steps before backtracking, giving Jesse eyes much wider than Bumble’s had been a moment ago. 

“Was that said ironically, or…?”

A smirk. A shrug. “You best be going, mm?”

“Yes…” Hanzo traced the same path as before. 

Jesse waited to speak until he was almost out the door. “...darlin’.” 

Hanzo stopped, again, laughter echoing behind him. He shook his head, chuckled a bit himself, then headed out.

 

~~~

 

Jesse could get used to this. A handsome man seated across from him, dim, romantic lighting, classic Italian love songs--

“Unlimited breadsticks? I could live on this shit.” 

Hanzo chuckled as he watched Jesse shove the fourth--fifth?--piece of bread in his mouth. 

“You're going to be full before our meals even get here.”

“So?” Small bits of partially chewed bread were visible in his mouth, but Hanzo wasn't fazed in the least. If anything, he found it amusing. “Leftovers, dude.”

“So I've been demoted from ‘darling’ to ‘dude’ now?”

Jesse choked. Hanzo actually had to get out of his seat to hit him on the back. As soon as he could breathe normally, he almost began to choke again, because they were both laughing and they were definitely drawing attention to themselves but  _ what did it matter? _

Jesse turned to look up at Hanzo, and Hanzo felt his mind turn to mush, even though it had been in the process of constructing a sentence for the past five minutes. 

“Hanzo?”

A distracted sigh. “Ah… let me sit down, first, okay?”

Jesse set down his sixth breadstick. Now that his hand was free, he rested it over Hanzo's. “Is something wrong?”

“No! No…” Hanzo was sporting the most awkward of smiles, but it wasn't an unhappy one. “Just. I don't know how to say it! I'm worried you'll be… mad.”

Jesse just squeezed his hand in reassurance, the look in his eyes more than enough to get him to speak. 

“I spoke to someone. About your community service.”

“Not to extend it, I hope.” Jesse joked, and it was enough to get Hanzo to crack a genuine grin. “Hell no. Just… you don't have to worry about it anymore.” 

Jesse blinked his eyes a couple times, but gave no other response. 

“You're not mad I interfered, are you?” 

Jesse’s lips slowly parted, and he glanced down at his lap for what felt like a full minute when in actuality, it was merely a second or two. “No… no, I'm actually--happy.” He lifted his head, gradually giving Hanzo the view of the shyest of smiles. “That you would care enough to do that for me.” 

Now Hanzo was struck silent. He blinked, over and over, just drinking in the sight of such an endearing expression. Sweat was beading up at the center of his palm, and it was not as a result of the heat Jesse's own hand provided against his. Well, maybe that was  _ part  _ of it.

“I just have one question--”

_ Oh, God. Please don't ask what's wrong with me. _

“How many swear words did you use during that entire ordeal? I assume it didn't go over very easily.”

Hanzo laughed for a moment, tried to take a sip of ice water in hopes that it would help cool his cheeks down, and promptly choked.

“Dear God. How many times are we gonna choke tonight?”

Hanzo’s coughing grew harder as impure thoughts overtook his mind. 

“Do you need hel--” 

He frantically shook his head, drinking more of the satanic beverage that had caused him issues to begin with. 

Soon, he was able to speak again, but concern was still visible in Jesse's eyes. 

“Well, uh.” His laugh was more awkward, now. “Too many to count, really?”

This time, Jesse's smile was even fonder. “I really,  _ really  _ wish I could have seen that. Any chance you can run some highlights by me?”

A short, surprised laugh escaped Hanzo. “What do you  _ mean?” _

Jesse shrugged his shoulders with much enthusiasm. “I don't know! Like… the best insults you came up with, or something.”

A short pause. “Well… I may have called her an incompetent shithead excuse for an employee. And asked since when had the employees been replaced with emotionless robots. Then I told her exactly how cute I thought it was that she let her kids do her eyebrows for her. But those were only after she refused and insulted both you and I… and I'm not sure if those really quali--”

Hanzo ceased speaking as soon as he realized that Jesse was barely concealing his laughter. The breadstick he had just picked up for a second time was already crumbling in his hand, and despite his newfound love for them, he didn't seem to notice or care that one was literally falling to pieces by his own hand. 

Soon, he had the attention of twice as many people as earlier, laughing so startlingly loud that a waiter almost dropped the plates in his hands.

Hanzo didn't even understand what he had said that was so funny. But just as soon as he had burst out into laughter, Jesse was coming down from his high. Even the arrival of their meals failed to bring a smile to his face, and Hanzo could tell just by the aroma that Jesse's food was going to be infinitely yummier than his own. 

Jesse was holding him with such an intense gaze that Hanzo didn't even comment on the new development, didn't even raise his fork, didn't even blink. 

“What happened? Did you suddenly realize I'm too mean or something?”

Jesse waved his concerns away. “Your personality is perfect, Han. That's not it at all.”

Hanzo self-consciously straightened his tie, wanting to appear as perfect as Jesse thought him to be. That, and he was uncharacteristically nervous. “Then…?”

“I can't keep mooching off of you.”

“You're not moo--” 

Jesse kept going. “I… should find my own place. Shouldn't I? And pay you back?”

Hanzo gaped at him. “You… what? With what money? You want to leave? What? Why all of a sudden?”

Jesse took his fork and poked at the breaded chicken, strings of cheese winding around the metal and clinging to both it and the meal from which it was being tugged from. 

“My injuries have healed, I'm no longer obligated to do community service… I have nothing holding me back anymore.”

“Nothing holding you back.” Hanzo echoed, no inflection in his voice and face void of expression. 

Jesse looked up at that, noticing something was off. He caught Hanzo's eyes, and as soon as he did, the other man's seemed to shine with unshed moisture.

“Oh--oh, my God. I--fuck, no. I didn't mean… nothing would keep me there… I just…”

Hanzo blinked rapidly, willing himself not to get emotional, especially not in a public place. Especially not in front of someone.

Jesse's voice fell to a whisper, and he forced himself to keep looking at Hanzo, wanting to prove his thoughts and feelings were genuine. “I keep second-guessing…  _ everything _ … I'm no longer in a terrible situation, you no longer need to help me… what if you won't want me there anymore? What if you were lying before?”

Hanzo flinched. Visibly. Jesse looked so… broken. “I'm just making it worse, aren't I?” 

Hanzo cleared his throat, fiddling with the napkin in his lap. Observing the design that it displayed. Anything was more fascinating than the current conversation.

He didn't hear Jesse get up. Didn't notice him sit in the booth besides him. He was too lost in his own mind, and all too quickly his chin was tipped up and lips were settling over his own. Hanzo gasped into Jesse's mouth, but he wrote it off as surprise rather than… being way too into it. 

“You want me to stay, Han?” 

A quick nod, before Hanzo was tugging him back down, kissing him while giving the smallest whimper, the smallest sign that he had been experiencing some serious level of upset before.

Soon, Jesse was cupping his face, giving him that same honest, adoring look as before. “I'm sorry. I know I'm insecure as fuck and I'm so sorry about that. I'll… I'll explain, later. Okay? Explain. It's not an excuse.”

He dropped kisses to the corners of Hanzo's eyes, hoping to gather up any tears that had managed to slip out. “I'll get better. I'll just… get a job. Won't leave. Okay?”

Hanzo smiled at that, voice soft but no longer emotionless. “I won't let you go so easily.”

A moment of silence. “...Now go eat before it gets cold. I don't want you to remember your first time at an Italian restaurant to be suboptimal.” 

Jesse gently smoothed over Hanzo's cheek with his thumb before complying and making his way back to the other side of the table. “I'm not quite sure what that means, but uh. As long as I'm with you, I know everything will be above optimal.” 

Hanzo's heart shouldn't have jumped due to such a dumb (sweet) comment, but it did. 

Man, was he done for. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
